


Not Enough

by Whreflections



Series: Oklahoma verse [6]
Category: Kane (Band), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whreflections/pseuds/Whreflections
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Chris finds an article linking Steve to a relationship with someone else, it bothers him more than he expected, and it's enough to make him reconsider a few things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> 34\. Not Enough

The light by the bed clicked on, bright and blinding, and Steve instinctively pulled the covers up over his eyes. As quick as he had, there was a hand there yanking them down.   
  
“Have you seen this?”   
  
At the moment, he couldn’t see anything. He blinked, still squinting against the light, and before he even  _looked_  at what Chris was practically shoving in his face his eyes fell on the alarm clock.   
  
“ _Christ_ , it’s like, four in the morning, what the hell are you…Did you even come to bed?” Really, he already knew the answer to that question. Chris was still dressed in the same t-shirt and jeans he had been the night before. He’d been just turning on the computer when Steve went to bed, wanting to check Twitter and his e-mail. He’d been too tired to really wait up for him, and he’d passed out the minute he curled up under the sheets, and he’d apparently been too out of it to notice that Chris had never shown up.   
  
Chris shook his head, and he turned and sat down though he stayed perched on the edge of the bed, his hand still clenched in a vice grip on the paper he held. “I was just…and I saw this and I didn’t expect it to…but it did, and I knew I couldn’t sleep and I…”   
  
He was rambling, clearly just this side of freaking out about something and Steve sat up, trying to force his fuzzy head to clear at least a little. He leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Christian’s waist, nuzzling into the back of his neck and pressing a soft kiss there. He smelled like Jack, but he didn’t seem drunk, which was good. Unreasonable Chris was hard enough to talk to,  _drunk_  unreasonable Chris was something else entirely.   
  
He rested his chin on Chris shoulder, speaking soft and close to his ear. “Alright, can you back up and tell me what the hell’s got you so worked up, cause I’m still half asleep here, man, and I have no idea what you’re talking about.”   
  
Chris tossed the paper down onto the nightstand, and Steve reached around him to pick it up, holding it under the light. There was a picture of him taken in L.A. just a few days before, eating lunch on the patio of the Silver Spoon with Julie McNiven. She’d been in a movie recently that he’d been lucky enough to have  _three_  of his songs used in, and being on set together and having sort of known each other already from conventions, they’d become friends. He’d spent the afternoon with her last Thursday.   
  
Of course, nothing was private in Hollywood. He hadn’t thought of it at the time, really, but it didn’t really surprise him someone had been there to get a picture. He skimmed his eyes over the article, catching bits and pieces of it, the headline reading: Rising star Julie McNiven and new boyfriend, musician Steve Carlson.   
  
“Looks like there was an idiot with a camera.” He let the paper flutter out of his hands, let go of Chris and laid back down against the pillow. It was still nice and warm. He tugged on Chris wrist, pulling him towards the other side of the bed. “C’mon, come to bed, ok?”   
  
Chris didn’t move, and after a few seconds he let out a frustrated sigh and sat back up. Fuck, he was too tired for this. He hadn’t gotten more than 5 hours of sleep a night in the past two weeks. “What is it, Christian?”   
  
“You…you didn’t read it! I mean, they’ve got you movin’ in with her and this whole ‘sources say they’ve been sleepin’ together since filming started’ and-“  
  
He held up his hand, sitting up a little straighter and stopping Christian right there. “Let me get this straight. You  _seriously_ think I’m cheating on you, you think-“  
  
“ _What_?! No, God, Steve, no, I know you’re not; I know you’d never, I…”   
  
Well that was good, because if Chris had  _still_  doubted him after how hard he’d worked in this past year alone to get through to him that Chris was the most important thing in his life, they might’ve had a few problems. As it was, now he was just back to having no idea what the  _fuck_  Christian was upset about.   
  
He took a deep breath, rubbed his hands over his face and tried to keep his temper under control. “Christian, I am exhausted.  _Literally_  completely exhausted, and if we have to talk about this right the fuck now, which, I’m assuming it’s _that_  important if you had to start this conversation at four in the morning, I need you to tell me  _right now_  what you’re upset about, because we can’t talk about this until I know what you want me to say.”   
  
“They all think you’re livin’ with her!”   
  
Yes, that was generally what the tabloids made their money off of. “…and I’m sure they’ll forget all about me once she actually starts dating someone.”   
  
Chris sat forward, elbows on his knees as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I know. I  _know_ , and believe me, I didn’t expect it to bother me like this but there were all these comments and everyone’s talkin’ about what a great couple you’re gonna make and I couldn’t hardly take it, Steve, I just…”   
  
It dawned on him then, and if he’d been more awake, he’d probably have realized what they were talking about much sooner. “Well,  _you_  know it’s not true. And I seem to remember you saying that was enough.”   
  
Chris swallowed, bit his lip hard. “…it’s not.”   
  
There was a part of him, a pretty big part of him at first, that wanted to get  _really_  angry. Hell, he was pretty much entitled. A few years ago, he’d come to Chris not after something like  _this_ , but just having generally had enough of slinking around like the dirty little secret, and he’d pretty much told Chris that if this didn’t mean enough to him to make him stand up for it, then maybe it was time they broke up. They’d fought spectacularly for a few months with way too much yelling and alcohol and time spent apart, and in the end he’d caved because they’d decided that what they had was too important for them to break up and lose it. And yes, they really  _had_  made that decision together but to be completely honest about it, it _had_  been Steve that gave in.   
  
And now Chris had suddenly decided he’d changed his mind?   
  
Yeah, there was definitely part of him that wanted to be angry. But the thing was, Chris was looking at him with honest _hurt_  in his eyes, and that was something he’d never been able to stand. Besides, it was all water under the bridge now, and this was what he’d wanted for longer than he could exactly recall and if they could have it now, nothing else mattered. The fact that he’d tried to talk Chris into this years ago just wasn’t worth fighting over.   
  
Of course, his thoughts on that had progressed a little slower considering how awake he wasn’t, and Chris was talkin’ again before he could say anything.   
  
“Steve, I know I was scared about this before, but I can’t stop thinkin’ about it and-“   
  
“C’mere.” Steve held his hand out to him, scooting over and pulling Chris all the way onto the bed with him. He tried to get Chris to lay down beside him but Chris rolled over, leaning over him instead. Chris kissed him like his life depended on it, hard and desperate and possessive. One hand was already sliding up under Steve’s shirt, rubbing hungrily over warm skin. He arched into the touch and Chris moaned, hooking his other hand under Steve’s shoulder and resting more of his weight against Steve as he deepened the kiss.   
  
Steve wrapped his arms around Chris, pushing his shirt up to touch bare skin at the small of his back, and Chris’ lips left his to travel down his neck. He paused about halfway down, sucking hard, and Steve groaned and shivered, his hips bucking up hard. He was sensitive there, and though Chris worked at the soft skin on his neck often enough with his tongue and his teeth he’d never marked him. It felt so fucking good, but he had enough sense left to realize that  _probably_ wouldn’t be the best way for them to announce their relationship to the world. Granted, it would present a nice, clear ‘property of Christian Kane’ message, which actually sounded pretty damn nice. Still, he stopped him, tugging gently on Chris’ hair and pulling his lips back up into a kiss.   
  
Chris’ hand slipped down to the front of his sweatpants, toying with the waistband, and Steve broke the kiss, their lips still barely brushing. “What do you want, Christian?” His voice was low, rough and still a little sleepy but  _hungry_  now, too. Christian’s weight against him was warm and welcome, and their hips were already rocking together, slow and steady.   
  
Christian huffed out a soft laugh against his skin, nuzzling against him and leaving a kiss just below his ear. “Everything. Want you so bad, darlin’.”   
  
As good as that sounded, he was pretty positive he wasn’t gonna be good for more than one round just then before he passed the fuck out. He kissed along Chris’ jaw, buried his face in his neck and held on just a little tighter, pulling Chris down into him as he rubbed a little harder against his hip. Chris swore softly against his ear, and Steve moaned low in his throat. God, this never got old. Every time, he still felt like he was about to lose him mind.   
  
“Wanna make you crazy. So crazy you can’t even think.” Chris finally slipped his hand all the way below the waistband of his pants, wrapping warm, callused fingers around him.   
  
Check. If Chris wanted him to stop thinking, he’d stopped thinking about five minutes ago. Chris’ thumb flicked over the tip and Steve whined, soft and desperate. He was pretty sure the definition of makin’ him crazy that Chris was going for was one well past this, and while  _yesOhmyGod **please**  _he  _definitely_  wanted that, right now, he just wanted to come under Chris’ touch and fall asleep in his arms and pick both the conversation and the sex back up tomorrow when he was actually coherent.   
  
Of course, there were hundreds of reasons they worked, and one of those was the fact that they knew each other inside out. Chris kissed him again, slower and more gentle this time, and his hand worked just a little faster.   
  
“I got ya, darlin’. Come on, Steve. Wanna watch you come for me.”   
  
Yeah, that was exactly what he needed. He came with a soft cry that trailed off into a softer moan of Chris’ name as Chris sucked lightly over his pulse as he came down. He dimly registered the sound of Chris yanking the buckle on his belt open to get his hand inside his own pants, and he still had just enough focus to pull Chris closer, his left hand slipping down to join loosely with Chris’ fingers as he worked himself over.   
  
Chris pulled away from him after that, and he reached after him until Chris batted his hand away, and Steve cracked his eyes open to see that Chris had just climbed out of bed to strip. He switched off the light before he slipped back into bed, arms open for Steve to curl in against him. He nestled in close with his head on Chris shoulder, and he had just about drifted off to the feel of Chris’ hands playing lightly across his back when Chris broke the silence.   
  
“Steve, ‘m sorry. I mean this, I do, I want us to do this for real, I want everybody to know it’s been me and you for a long time an’ that’s not changin’, and…I just-”  
  
“ ‘s ok.” From the way Chris laughed, he was pretty sure he didn’t sound all the way coherent, but he  _had_  heard him, really he had, and it sure as hell had meant a lot. He’d have to be sure Chris knew that when they woke up. “ ‘s ok, Chris. I promise.” Hopefully, that sounded a little better.   
  
Chris tightened his hold, turned to kiss the top of Steve’s head. “Yeah, ok.”   
  
After that, he really  _would’ve_  fallen asleep if Chris hadn’t been thinking so damn loud. He sighed, turned his face just a little more into Chris’ neck and tightened his grip on his shirt. “Christian, will you just stop thinking and go to sleep?”   
  
This time, his laugh sounded a little nervous. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just…”  
  
Regardless of his state of mind and Christian’s inability to just spit things out, he was pretty sure he knew what the problem was. They’d had one hell of a fight over this before, and Chris was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. After he’d balked so much before, he’d clearly expected Steve to do the same now.   
  
Steve pushed himself up on one arm, tried to look Christian in the eye even though he couldn’t see him that well in the dark. “Chris, I’m not angry. I’m really not. I mean, sure, I find it kind of ironic that you acted like I’d asked you to jump into boiling water when I needed you to want this before-“ Chris flinched, and he kind of wished he’d said it a little kinder. “-, but that’s all done. Literally that’s…that’s a fight we had a  _long_  time ago, and honestly I think we’ve both come a long way after that. Rehashing it all now; it’s  _worse_  than beatin’ a dead horse. However we both felt about it a couple years ago, that’s just irrelevant. If you really want this-“  
  
“I do. More than anything.”   
  
His voice was rough and honest, and Steve smiled when he leaned back down and leaned his forehead against Chris’. “Well, I do too. And that’s all that matters.” 


End file.
